Updated: Sep 11
03:13 PM 1/9/2022
Just had my morning clobazam dose. had cornflakes as breakfast. First of the month.
08:44 PM 1/9/2022
Just had my eve clobazam after eating some ladoos. Have many updates to put out there. Will do so tonight...
01:46 AM 2/9/2022
Just had my escitalopram dose, around 2 hours after dinner. Then attended a few daisie sessions. Now, I think, I'll be heading to bed.
12:48 PM 2/9/2022
Just had my clobazam dose after eating Maggi ~5 mins ago...
09:16 PM 2/9/2022
I'm here, logging for my blog from a bus. I'm going to Chennai today. I have an appointment tomorrow. I booked a ticket from MTP, but due to crowd control (Vignesh Chaturthi), the bus couldn't come in. So, we had to come to a totally new place (near tpr) to catch the bus. they waited, and I came with 2 others. the auto cost me 100 rupees.
Now, I'm on the bus on the way to Chennai thru annur.
As for my meds, I ate in MTP aryas and had my clobazam dose at 8.28 pm, inside the petrol bunk. I have some mouth fresheners, which I hope my body will count as dinner for my night dose.
Now, coming to my personal life. I feel like a completely different person. It's not like I don't feel anxious at all, but now I feel a bit more comfortable being near others and talking to them. This is just for the people I knew already; as for strangers, I still stutter.
I'm going to talk about it to the doctor tomorrow. Also, I wanna show her my legs and ask if that has something to do with the meds. Hopefully, the day goes well. At this point, I feel like the doctor is going to start reducing the dosage of the meds I'm taking. I feel good (coz I can eat and be normal again) and scared (withdrawal, dependence, etc.) at the same time. Hoping to see good results for that as well.
Signing off now, and I'll update when I take the night dose, hopefully, a few mins later. Missed all my daisie sessions today. I hope I get enough courage to watch the recordings and look for other updates as well...
10:02 PM 2/9/2022
Just had my escitalopram dose. Fun fact: I have >30 of those and only 6 pills of clobazam left. That's another reason I'm afraid of what's gonna happen tomorrow. I will update you after tomorrow's doses. Adios!
09:36 PM 5/9/2022 Just had my eve clobazam dose, after eating a subway wrap! Will update the rest tonight...
12:08 PM 6/9/2022 Had my morning clobazam at 12.05 pm, a few mins after eating parathas for breakfast. Here's an update for the days and times I missed: Starting on 3/9: I reached Chennai at ~6.30. Did my routines and had my breakfast at ~8 am. At 9.20 am, I had my morning clobazam dose. Then, I just slept. A LOT. Woke up at ~9.30 pm and ordered 2 subway rolls. Had one as evening food and had my next clobazam at 10.33 pm. Then I had my dinner later and had my escitalopram at 1 am. On the 4th: I was getting ready for the appointment. I had 2 problems now which I mentioned a few days before: I'm almost out of meds, and I need to talk to my doctor about my skin. The hospital called me and confirmed my appointment. Just after I had my clobazam (at 1.52 pm), I started getting ready to go to the hospital. The appointment was supposed to be at 4 pm. But, at 3 pm they called me to inform me that my appointment was canceled coz the doctor is not on duty. Then I had to order meds from the pharmacy and asked a swiggy guy to pick them up for me. Bought a full shark online as well, but it wasn't full. So, I threw it away. It cost me ~500 rupees! Then this day, I ordered 2 sandwiches from McD and had one as a snack and had 2 doses of clobazam at 8.40 pm (5x2, coz the 10mg one wasn't available). Attended my daisie session, watched YouTube, had the second one as dinner and had my escitalopram dose at 5.5am. On the 5th: I made another appointment this day. My time was 4.30 pm, so I planned to plan accordingly. It didn't go as planned. I had my morning clobazam dose at 3.32 pm and I planned to call the cab at 3.50. The cab arrived at 4.5pm and I reached the hospital at 4.35 pm. It wasn't that late, but I was still scared. The hospital called me when I reached its doors and when I told them I'm outside, they hung up. Had to pay 30 rupees extra for the cab. Thank the lord, that the doctor wasn't there yet. They checked my vitals again and told me to wait. When I was waiting, I realised that I had only 5mg of clobazam for the morning. I was hoping nothing would happen. And thankfully, nothing's affected me yet. The doctor came a bit after 5, and we had a nice session. I was prescribed another set of meds as well. I went to the pharmacy to get those. Lo and behold! they didn't have the meds. So, when the cab came, I had to get some meds at a medplus store. Still not enough. I needed it for 30/31 days. I only have enough for 22 days. Hoping to get some before it gets over. Couldn't order it online either (I tried). then I had my clobazam again (this time I took 2 tablets, just to make sure). Had a subway roll again and took my escitalopram dose at 1.37 am. Went to sleep, woke up a bit after 9.30 am, and now I'm doing this...
09:26 PM 10/9/2022
Had my evening clobazam dose at 9.23 pm today. Missed to update a few days, once again. So here are the updates:
On the 6th: Had my evening clobazam at 10.40 pm, after having an onion roast as snacks 😁. Had to board the bus that night, and I had to book a cab (autos kept cancelling my ride). From the restaurant I ate the roast in, I got some mouth fresheners to have as dinner. I tried to get the remaining meds from a nearby pharmacy. By the time they started confirming if they have it available, the bus arrived. I told the bus to wait for a few mins, decided not to buy meds from there, and ran to the bus. Couldn't get the luggage to the luggage compartment, so I kept the big bag in the walking space just below my head and got to my seat. There were many there. So, I was a bit comforted and scared at the same time. then I did my dinner and took my escitalopram dose at 12.26 am. Then went to sleep.
On the 7th: Reached mtp a bit after 6. Saw that my luggage was still there (relieved) and got to the bus to ktg (which was standing right next to the point where we got off) and reached ktg at ~10 am. Tried to buy my meds from a pharmacy here. Lo and behold! They were all available in a pharmacy just across the road. Bought them all and then I headed home. Reached home that day a little after 10.30 am. Did my routines and went straight to bed. Woke up at ~1 pm to have my breakfast and took my clobazam dose at 1.49 pm. No lunch that day as well. Had some mixture as snacks and took my evening dose at 10.40 pm. My parents had their dinner, and they went to bed. I had a few more spoons of mixture as dinner and had my escitalopram dose at 1.51 am.
On the 8th: I decided this would be my "resting day". To do absolutely nothing. But unfortunately, life happened. It was a holiday here. Onam, declared as a holiday for ~5 districts in my state, mine being one of them (and Chennai [apparently] isn’t since I had to give my attendance). After having some cornflakes as breakfast, I had my clobazam at 1.24 pm. my whole family headed to my grandma’s house. I went to my aunt’s. Here’s the thing – I thought my anxiety has been lowering. But, when I saw that my cousin has brought her friends over, I literally couldn’t utter a word! Not even a “hi”! So, I headed straight to the kitchen to help my aunt with the lunch. There were a lot of dishes, many of which even she couldn’t pronounce. I didn’t have it with them. I had my lunch a bit after 3 pm after they all left. Then I and my cousins headed out to buy some snacks. Had them and took my clobazam at 8.13 pm. It went dark by the time we left. Got the leftovers to my house to have as dinner. New news came out as we were moving. My parents have decided to open my new house on the 18th. So, we headed to my uncle’s house to call him, but the house was locked. Hence, we headed home, my parents had their dinner and slept, I had mine a bit after 12 am, did my routines, had my escitalopram at 12.52 am and went to bed.
On the 9th: Friday. Had to go to the mosque. Was planning to get a few other works of mine finished as well. I went to bathe at ~12 pm. The cat and its kittens were sleeping in the kitchen. So, I was as silent as I could be. Finished my routines, and headed to the mosque at ~12.50. Reached the mosque just a few seconds before the sermon began. Then I headed to my uncle’s shop, spoke with my cousin for a while, had my morning clobazam dose at 2.1 pm, and then headed back home. I did have lunch this day. Made some ladoos. Then, I prepped to send my docs for insurance. Slept after taking the kittens back to their house. Then, I woke up at ~9 pm and had some mixture for snacks (again) and took my clobazam dose at 9.53 pm. A few hours later, I had a few more spoons of mixture and had my escitalopram dose at 2.3 am.
Today, I sent the parcel to the insurance company, had some cakes for breakfast and took my clobazam dose at 2.20 pm. Then I went to sleep, and I was sleeping until 8.45, had a ladoo, gave the cat a fish (a big one this time), had my meds and here I am now, going to have my dinner with the rest of the family after a very long time…
12:43 AM 11/9/2022 Just had my dose of escitalopram. My parents fought a while ago, and I chose to side with my mum. Now, dad's sleeping alone, and I and my mother are sleeping in another room. Let's see how he reacts tomorrow.