My Journey taking anxiety meds: July

Updated: Aug 1

2:00 PM 7/22/2022 Bought an extra bunch of meds. I might regret it. I may not. But it cost me more than the hospital cost.

8:38 PM 7/22/2022 Had my first clobazam tablet around 4.15 pm. Didn't feel anything new. My stomach made me feel weird. saw some videos on YouTube that it causes constipation, so I was scared I was going to get it. wanted to drink some lax for that; then decided to drink it from tomorrow onwards. Feel weird that I just had a narcotic drug. I don’t feel anything yet. Just a small update - had a headache since last night. don't feel it anymore. don't know if my meds did it, but it might have. no idea

9:43 PM 7/22/2022 Just told my sis I'm on meds, and I visited a psychiatrist. She was shocked. She wanted to tell my parents about it. I refused, and she said OK. Don't know if she's gonna tell them. I'm ok with it if she does, but I hope she doesn't.

10:11 PM 7/22/2022 Sis is on a call. we are discussing my conditions. she looks like crying, maybe. a lot of advice. don't think I'm gonna follow most of them. She looks angry. I'm gonna put my phone on silent. because she said she'll call.

1:35 AM 7/23/2022 Shared a picture of Azhar to a daisie session - portfolio review by Caleb stein. he said he liked it coz it looked personal, like an album about it.

2:36 AM 7/23/2022 Just had my first Escitalopram tablet. going to bed now. I will update tomorrow!

11:09 AM 7/23/2022 Woke up 3 times today - 8.30 (slept again), 9.38 (used my phone, tried to sleep, couldn't), and 10 am. Woke up shivering. I wasn't hungry or cold. I didn't feel like I slept enough either. But I got up and went to do my routines. couldn't poop (still scares me). ate a pack of biscuits for breakfast. I'll have a second clobazam tablet soon.

11:30 AM 7/23/2022 Forgot to update the last one - My headache is back, probably because of less sleep. So I just had the tablet. I will update if something happens.

11:50 AM 7/23/2022 Update: I get nausea every time I yawn. It's like the vid I saw - Every time I yawn, I feel nausea for ~2 secs. Not long, so it's manageable. But, just wanted to put the update out. It might be a placebo effect - me reacting the same way I saw in the vid. Not sure, though...

2:19 PM 7/23/2022 Just had a poop. Feel better than before. I'm not fully empty, but I'm a little bit ok. Gonna have lunch now. Hopefully, there's something left for me to eat...

2:30 PM 7/23/2022 I did get food! there was plenty left. But I'm not gonna eat it until I put my escitalopram cream. Hoping that it would taste good. thinking of having a glass of lax after lunch. not sure about that. let's see how it goes.

5:07 PM 7/23/2022 Made a huge mistake! I had lunch - finished at 3.45. Then had some snacks at 4.20. Planned to take clobazam now (as I should've). But, while preparing for meds for tonight, I drank an Escitalopram tablet. I'm scared right now. Hopefully, nothing bad happens. I'll drink clobazam tonight before bed... I'll try being more careful from next time onwards.

8:40 PM 7/23/2022 Update: my nausea is a bit worse now. but it only happens after I yawn. Going to have dinner now. Then I'll have the clobazam, and hopefully, nothing bad happens...

9:59 PM 7/23/2022 pooped a few mins ago. now I had dinner and a pack of biscuits.

10:44 PM 7/23/2022 Had the tablet ~5mins ago. on the bed now. using phone. will sleep eventually. Not using escitalopram cream.

10:01 AM 7/24/2022 Had biscuits for breakfast and had a clobazam tablet 5 mins ago. no nausea for now.

5:08 PM 7/24/2022 skipped lunch. had some snacks - biscuits, bun, bonda with chutney. will have clobazam after a while

5:25 PM 7/24/2022 Had the tablet. the tablet got stuck to my tongue and I had to drink more water to push it in. Tasted very bad. had a potato chip to get rid of the taste. didn't work fully, but now it is a bit bearable.

6:19 PM 7/24/2022 update: no more nausea while yawning.

12:23 AM 7/25/2022 Had lax a few mins ago. will take my Escitalopram now. Then, at ~12.30, I go to the bathroom for the nicotine thingie. then, I sleep. Hopefully, I fall asleep w/o using my phone and wake up early for bf. 🤞

11:11 AM 7/25/2022 woke up at 8.40 today. had a clobazam tablet. feel super tired. sleep/med, I don’t know.

5:20 PM 7/25/2022 Had clobazam after having a pack of biscuits. should point out that I'm always tired and sleepy. maybe it's just me or meds. again, no idea.

2:05 AM 7/26/2022 Had my Escitalopram dose. going to bed now.

10:31 AM 7/26/2022 Had my clobazam a few mins ago. I still, feel the taste of Lotte pie in my mouth. Also, going home today.

5:03 PM 7/26/2022 Had another clobazam dose after eating a pie. feel nothing different. maybe I should ask Doctor to increase my dose. maybe I will on my next visit.

2:02 PM 7/27/2022 Had Escitalopram on the bus at ~1 am. didn't sleep well, coz it was cold n I didn't get a blanket. reached home at ~1 pm. had bun n cake for breakfast. will have my clobazam dose now.

12:36 PM 7/28/2022 had Escitalopram at 12.30 am after dinner. was sleeping when the rest of my fam ate it. slept again (for ~8 hours). woke up, had bread and jam for breakfast and had my clobazam dose right now. will update soon, if any.

9:09 PM 7/28/2022 Had clobazam a bit later today, after eating a veg roll and half puff. had it immediately, w/o a break. will update again, if any.

12:53 AM 7/29/2022 Had my Escitalopram dose right now. going to sleep, n I'm having a headache.

12:00 PM 7/29/2022 Had my clobazam a few mins ago. now, getting ready to go to the mosque. after or b/w that I should prepare to go to Chennai tomorrow.

2:50 PM 7/29/2022 Just recording here. Getting meds for the 1st time made me feel like a spy like I'm hiding something cool. But here's the point: I'm always tired. I'm a lazy person, yes. But now, I'm super tired all the time. Not fun at all. Like, today, I almost slept in the middle of a prayer. Also, I almost passed out when walking up from the mosque. So, yes, not fun!!!c

4:47 PM 7/31/2022

Missed breakfast today, as I overslept. Hence didn't have my morning dose of clobazam. Just had a clobazam dose after my lunch. will update the previous day's doses later.

5:02 PM 7/31/2022

Starting on 29th evening. Had my second dose of clobazam at 6.15 pm. Then I recorded my attendance for the day and got ready to board my bus to Chennai. On the bus, after my dinner, I had my Escitalopram dose at around 10.15 pm. The next day, I reached Chennai to vacate my room. Had a hustle with a phone misplacement. Had to have breakfast around 10 and had my clobazam dose at ~10.22 am, inside the bus. Then I went to my room and started vacating. After having some snacks (banana to be exact) I had my second clobazam dose. Vacated my room at 8 and had my dinner at around 9 pm. Had my last Escitalopram dose in Chennai (for now). Had it on the bus, just before falling asleep.

8:44 PM 7/31/2022 Just went through some side effects of the meds I’m taking on web. There were a lot of it. But, fortunately, I only have a very few, all of which are mostly manageable. The symptoms are:

  • nausea

  • tiredness

  • sleepiness

  • change of appetite

  • yawning

  • constipation

  • slower reaction time

1:37 AM 8/1/2022

Just had my last Escitalopram of the month. technically it's august now, but it's night. so, counting it as July's last. all my routines are done and now I'm gonna go to bed.

So, here ends this month's blog. I'll create a new blog from the morning.

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