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Continuing my anxiety meds: August

Updated: Sep 1, 2022

11:50 AM 1/8/2022

This is a late update. Had my clobazam after my breakfast at ~10.45 am. Then went to PO to complete my procedures. just returned to pay my bills. Also, I'm going back to Chennai this Friday. So, I'm planning on a revisit that day. Let's see how it goes.

6:52 PM 1/8/2022

Had my clobazam 2 mins ago. Came back from the bank today. Had an issue with the rent payment for July. A ticket has been filed and I'm now waiting for a response. Now, I was playing with the kittens and trying to reconcile with others.

11:32 AM 2/8/2022

New news: dad knows I'm taking anxiety meds. Mom doesn't. Don't know how he got the info, but he did. Maybe he googled what meds I'm taking, maybe sis told him, I don’t know. But he knows I'm taking meds for this.

12:15 PM 2/8/2022

Had my escitalopram at ~1 am last night, just before going to bed. this morning, or noon, I had my clobazam dose 2 mins ago. Had dosa for breakfast. A short story: last night, I got two tablets ready for today - morning and evening. When I tried drinking one for the morning, I dropped it down. So, I drank the evening's dose (or tablet I saved for the evening). In short, I wasted a tablet. That makes one of each tablet have been wasted.

Also, just noticed that the date format looks weird in my previous posts. So, I changed it in this post. my previous post is going to be the same for a while. I might change it in the future.

06:14 PM 2/8/2022

Had my clobazam at ~5.55 pm. Didn't have lunch. Had the tablet after eating some Maggi. So, technically, I had Maggi for lunch. Anyway, that's my life now...

12:39 PM 3/8/2022

Had my clobazam now. Had my breakfast (dosa) a little after 11 and had some fruits after that. since then, I've been trying really hard to log in to my computer. but, for some reason, it hasn't let me in yet. will keep trying until I get my job done (or until lunch). Also, yesterday's update had escitalopram at 10.10 pm after attending a session with daisie. then went straight to bed right away. I get super sleepy like 10 mins after I have that tablet. So, I just give in...

01:10 AM 4/8/2022

Had my clobazam dose today at ~8 pm. and was sleeping until then. no reason, just felt sleepy. woke up when I heard my dad's voice. as of now, I just had my escitalopram dose. had my dinner a few hours ago. I don't think I could fall asleep that quickly, as I slept earlier, but who knows? maybe my meds would start their effects sooner.

12:06 PM 4/8/2022

Had my clobazam dose ~5 mins ago. was arranging my other house now. then I'll be arranging my stuff to leave. The plan is to leave ~5 pm today. But plans never work that way. will see how it goes...

05:43 PM 5/8/2022

Looks like I haven't blogged anything for a while now. But I'll try to update this one as much as I remember. On the 4th, I started from ktg at ~5 and I reached mtp at ~6 pm. then I had a pack of biscuits before having my clobazam at ~7.10 pm. then from the bus stand, I went to my pickup point. At night, I had another pack of biscuits and had my escitalopram dose a bit after 10 pm. I arrived today at ~6.20 am in Chennai. The hotel I booked wouldn't let me in, so I booked another. Had roti and paneer butter masala for breakfast (yummy) and had my clobazam dose at 10.49 am. I went to visit my doctor at 3, coz I had an appointment at 4. we talked a bit (literally for 2-3 mins). Then she increased my clobazam dose from 5mg-10mg. Now, I'm back in my room, with a subway roll for lunch/snacks. I'm out of clobazam dose after today (the pharmacy didn't have it). Hopefully, I get dome today. Will come here next month. I'll update you later about what happens (if anything).

06:36 PM 5/8/2022

Just had clobazam. I didn't have a 10mg one. So, I had 2 5mg ones, at once. I still feel the taste of the tablet on the back of my tongue. tastes like dried paracetamol.

01:33 PM 6/8/2022

Had my clobazam dose at ~1.20 pm today, after having some idly. I have a lot of news to share. Will do it in a few mins...

06:38 PM 6/8/2022

Just had my clobazam. Had some dried fruits before that. Yesterday's news: since the hospital didn't have clobazam, I had to get it elsewhere. when I reached my pickup pt. in Chennai, I went to my 1st med store, which didn't have it, and gave me some advice as well. 2nd one had it, but won't give it, coz he needed some proof that I need the meds. The hospital was called, and they said they'll talk on my behalf, but he refused. He then pointed me to a different med store, where I did get my clobazam tablets, but they had to give me some escitalopram too since it was the rule. I got it, cost me nearly 300, and then I boarded the bus. Had escitalopram in the bus, after eating some biscuits at 11.22 pm. Reached mtp at ~6.40 and came home in a go ktg car. Then I had to explain to my parents how and why I take those meds. I told them the hospital did a blood test, and apparently (and thankfully) they believed me. That's the news until now. I will update later.

11:27 PM 6/8/2022

Just had my escitalopram dose, after finishing my night routines. going to sleep now. Just wondering, do I have enough tablets (clobazam) for the month? If not, how will I get it???

11:31 PM 6/8/2022

Update: need one more clobazam. Don't know how and when I'll get it. But hopefully, something happens by then to make the situation better (able to get meds, me skipping a dose accidentally, etc).

12:00 AM 08/08/2022

Went to my sister's would-be fiancé’s house today. So, I had to have all my doses in the car, except the last one (escitalopram) which I had at 11.54 pm. Will update the story tomorrow.

12:27 PM 8/8/2022

Had clobazam after Suhr at ~4.50 am on the midnight. OK, yesterday's story now. left from ktg at 12.19 pm in the car, after having Maggie as breakfast. Had lunch after reaching mtp. Reached their house at ~5.30 pm. They told us to wait outside for ~5 mins. Spoke a lot about engagement, marriage, etc. Left around 7.15 pm. Had my clobazam in the car at 7.28 pm. Had dinner in a hotel, again, in mtp. then did some shopping and reached home at ~11.15 pm. Then what happened: see from my last post. 😇

08:32 PM 8/8/2022

Just had my clobazam dose. A bit after iftar and having some mangoes. had samosa and bun for iftar. that was ~7 pm. Now, after a few hours, I should have an escitalopram dose. Nothing special yet. I will update if any...

07:59 PM 9/8/2022

Just had my eve clobazam dose. will update other stuff tonight...

12:22 PM 10/8/2022

Just had another clobazam today, right now...

07:44 PM 10/8/2022

Just had the next clobazam. Will update the details soon.

01:08 PM 11/8/2022

Just had my clobazam dose for the morning, after having dosas for breakfast.

Now, here is some stuff I missed in previous days. On the 9th, I had my morning clobazam dose after Suhr, at ~ 4.49 am. Had bread for Suhr, I think. The night dose (escitalopram) was taken on 1.24 am that midnight. the next day, my fam had to go to my sister's would-be fiancé’s house. I couldn't go because I had two meetings that day. They left my cousins with me. We had some burgers, chips, and other stuff for lunch/snacks. then my day went by normally. Fam returned at ~8.45 pm. Had dinner (kiwi) and had my night dose at 12.52 am.

That's all for now. will update the rest (if any) later.

08:29 PM 11/8/2022

Had my evening clobazam a few mins ago, after having a pack of biscuits. Will have dinner soon (hopefully 2 hours later). That way I can safely take my other medicines.

01:46 PM 13/8/2022

Starting from yesterday's log. Had my morning clobazam dose at 12.49 pm. Just before going to the mosque. Had lunch after everyone else had it (grandma, dad, uncle, and cousin). Had lunch at ~4 pm and had my eve clobazam after eating peanuts, at 4.40 pm. Then I slept till ~9 pm. Attended my daisie sessions and had my night dose of (escitalopram) at 2.34 am. Slept at ~4 am, after watching some YouTube. Today, I woke up at ~11 am. did my routines and had my breakfast. Yes! I had my breakfast! Had today's clobazam at 1.10 pm, after having my breakfast. Will have lunch soon.

11:45 PM 13/8/2022

Just had my escitalopram dose. did all my routines and going to sleep now. Another point I missed, had my evening dose of clobazam at 7.45 pm after having a cake (or something). Will update the rest tomorrow.

01:08 PM 14/8/2022

Had my clobazam dose ~3 mins ago a few mins after having my breakfast. I'm planning on going to the market now (to buy a shark for me). Maybe, my mother might add a few more items to the list. Let's see how it goes…

12:29 PM 15/8/2022

Just had my clobazam dose. Had the same breakfast I had yesterday. The same, as in the remains of what I had yesterday. As of yesterday, I had a cake and some biscuits in the evening and had my clobazam at 7.45 pm. Had dinner at 9.30 pm and had my escitalopram dose a few mins after, at 12.41 am. Yes, I'm a super slow eater. That's all for now.

06:38 PM 15/8/2022

Just had my clobazam dose, after having cream buns for snacks.

01:17 AM 16/8/2022

Just had my escitalopram dose after eating some veg rolls as dinner. There was biriyani that they give after the salah, but I didn't want it. Chatting about some business now and will sleep soon.

03:37 PM 16/8/2022

Just had my MORNING clobazam dose. yes! just now. And the worse part - the tablet got stuck in my wing pipe and I drank a lot of water, coughed, and did a lot more. Still feels like it's stuck there 😭

Hopefully, it's just an aftereffect and it's on the right track.

07:59 PM 16/8/2022

Just had my eve clobazam dose, after having a cake. Uncle and auntie are in my house, getting ready to leave. I really wanna pee as soon as they leave. So, waiting for that. Also, an update - the "morning" clobazam no longer feels stuck in my throat. Hoping for the better in that case. 🤞

01:32 PM 17/8/2022

Just had my morning clobazam dose. Had some chapati(s) for breakfast (or brunch, I guess). Dad's right next to me. He may get angry at me (he always does, sometimes for no reason at all). Let's see how that goes. As for last night (or midnight), I had my escitalopram dose a few hours after my dinner and attending a few daisie sessions.

12:53 AM 18/8/2022

Had my evening clobazam dose at 11.05 pm. Had it after dinner, considering my body would take it as evening. Will have my escitalopram dose in a few mins (at 1 am, if I'm able to). Had a banana for "dinner". I have a lot of updates. Will add those in the morning.

01:16 AM 18/8/2022

Just had my escitalopram dose. Going to sleep now. I will update you soon. GN all!!!

01:07 PM 18/8/2022

Got up at 11 am today (although I woke up a few hours earlier). Had rice flakes for breakfast a few mins ago and had my clobazam dose a few seconds ago.

Here are a few updates I wanted to make:

1. I feel super sleepy and tired all the time nowadays. I am lazy, mostly. But now I feel super drowsy.

2. I don't feel that sad right now. Sure, I do get anxious in groups, but it's a bit better now.

3. My whole schedule has changed (as can be seen by reading my previous days' logs.

All these can be because of my meds, placebo, or just a change in my habits. I don't know anything for sure now. Will meet my doctor next month, and I'll try my best to explain to her what I feel. All my previous sessions just lasted a few seconds, but this time, I want to make the most of it. So, let's hope that goes well.

I will update you if I have any other news.

03:18 PM 18/8/2022

Update: Just booked my appointment on the 3rd at 3 😎. Should inform my fam. Will say it tonight and let's see how that goes...

07:41 PM 18/8/2022

Just had my eve clobazam dose. Told my parents about my going to the doctor next month. Just booked the tickets (round way). Lost Rs. 195 on the process, but I can get through that. Let's see how much salary I get in September and round it up with that...

01:01 AM 19/8/2022

Just had my escitalopram dose, after attending all the daisie sessions today. Going to sleep now. I will update you soon.

12:37 AM 20/8/2022

Had my escitalopram dose a few secs ago. Had tomato rice for dinner (with fish and egg). Today's log: Woke up at ~10.30 am and finished my routines at ~12.20 pm. had my breakfast and took my clobazam dose at 12.47 pm. Then I went to the mosque, came back, and had my lunch. If you guessed it right, I had the same thing I had for dinner (- the fish). Then I and my mum went to grandma's house to see men working for our house (2 people - 1 worked + 1 supervisor). Had some veg roll in there and had some fun with my cousins. Just before returning, I had a piece of halwa and had my eve clobazam dose at 8.21 pm. Reached home a few mins later and had dinner between two daisie sessions. Now, I'm going to bed. I'll update, if anything, soon. If not, I'll update tomorrow.

01:08 PM 20/8/2022

Had my clobazam dose 2 mins ago, after having some puttu and banana as breakfast. Now I'm free. I will update soon...

10:09 PM 20/8/2022

Had my clobazam dose a min ago. Will update you about other stuff (which I have, a lot) soon.

01:53 AM 21/8/2022

Just had my escitalopram dose. going to bed now.

03:39 PM 21/8/2022

Just had my morning clobazam dose. now going to the other room to look for my debit card.

08:18 PM 21/8/2022

Just had my eve clobazam dose, after having some biscuits (like most other days). Didn't know if I mentioned this before, but, my cat gave birth to 4 kittens. It ate one, and now we have 3. Got my debit card and my CC issue is still on hold. Don't remember anything else to put here. I will update if I get any.

01:30 PM 22/8/2022

Just had a clobazam dose now. Will update the rest later.

07:29 PM 22/8/2022

Just had my clobazam dose. Will update the rest later.

07:58 PM 22/8/2022 Just an update to bring: Had by escitalopram on 21st at (22nd midnight) 03.07 am. I will update the rest later...

02:04 PM 24/8/2022 Just had my morning clobazam dose after eating and talking to MS customer care about my updates issue. Will update the rest later...

10:56 PM 24/8/2022 News as of now: I formatted my personal laptop. I'm not planning on signing up as an insider (for some time, at least). Installing only necessary files and apps to it this time. another point: had a lot of fun with the cat and its kittens (I touched them 🐈) … As for my schedule, starting from 22/8, I had my night dose of escitalopram at 2 am (on 23rd, tbh). Then the next day, I had 2 clobazam doses - morning (02.20 pm) and evening (8.45 pm). That night, I had my escitalopram dose at 12.13 am (the next day, again). Today, I had my evening dose of clobazam at 8.25 pm. Will have my escitalopram dose after dinner (probably a fruit or something). Not very hungry now. I will update you on new things, if any, later.

01:09 AM 25/8/2022

Just had my escitalopram dose, after eating a ladoo, and watching a few daisie sessions. had a solo one with Caleb today. he was sad and felt bored, but I was excited and tried my best to interact. That's all for now. going to bed. I will update after I get up...

02:30 PM 25/8/2022

Just had my morning clobazam dose. Will update the rest later.

09:53 PM 25/8/2022

Just had my eve clobazam dose. Will update the rest soon.

02:01 AM 26/8/2022

Had my escitalopram dose right now. going to bed now.

03:16 PM 26/8/2022

Update: My fossils have now arrived. The first time it came within a month, and they both look fantastic. I can now say that I have one of the oldest fossils ever in my bedroom 😁. Also, fought with my dad last night. He looks cool now, but he might just be acting. We'll never know until the next meeting. As for my meds, had my morning clobazam at 12.45 pm after having some cornflakes for breakfast. Will update other details soon.

10:37 PM 26/8/2022

Had my eve clobazam 2 mins ago. now watching duocon and trying Duolingo after a while. Should wake up at 4 am tomorrow. So, I should have my dinner and have my meds soon...

12:55 AM 27/8/2022

just had my escitalopram dose, after eating my dinner (actual dinner after a very long time). Going to sleep now. Should be up by ~4 am.

12:34 PM 27/8/2022

Just had my clobazam dose for the morning. Had a cup of noodles for breakfast around an hour ago. dad said there would be some guests coming today, so, I'm prepping for that. Until then, I'm thinking of prepping my fossil. Let's see how it goes...

12:24 PM 28/8/2022

Updates: starting from the 27th, had my eve dose of clobazam at 6.35 pm after eating some ladoos for lnacks (lunch + snacks 😉). Had my cousins here and we had to go to my uncle's house for a prayer meeting. we returned at ~12 am, after having my dinner there. Here, I had my escitalopram dose at 1 am and went to bed at ~1.30. Woke up this morning at ~9.30 am for the same reason as yesterday. Had my breakfast a little after 11 and had my clobazam at 12.04 pm. Now, we'll be going back to my uncle's house. Will give updates once I'm back from there.

01:44 PM 29/8/2022

Just had my clobazam dose. It's been ~2 hours since I had my breakfast. So, don't know how it's gonna react. let's see.

12:42 AM 30/8/2022

Had my escitalopram dose a minute ago, after eating my dinner a few minutes before that. As for yesterday, my evening dose of clobazam dose was at 10.23 pm and I ended my day by having my escitalopram dose at 12.23 am.

Not kidding, but I just realized that I didn't record any of today's doses. So, here's a rough estimate: morning clobazam at ~1 pm, after eating some dosas; evening dose at ~7.35 pm, after eating some ladoos and appu's birthday cake (yep, his birthday today). Not gonna do this mistake ever again (hopefully).

01:22 PM 30/8/2022

Just had my morning clobazam dose, after eating some sweets as breakfast. There were cornflakes, but I didn't want them.

05:34 PM 30/8/2022

Just had my eve clobazam dose after having some cornflakes. Going to bed now. parents aren’t home. They'll wake me up once they’re here. Then, I'll continue with my other work(s)...

02:29 AM 31/8/2022

just had my escitalopram dose, after eating my dinner nearly 3 hrs ago. going to bed now.

12:28 PM 31/8/2022

Had my morning clobazam dose ~10 mins ago. Had poori for my breakfast. will be going to new house now. As per the info, they are laying wooden tiles today. Wanna check that one out...

07:47 PM 31/8/2022

Had the last clobazam dose of this month at 7.39 pm. Had it after eating a brownie and a dumpling.

02:15 AM 01/9/2022

Just had the last escitalopram dose of the month. was attending a ton of meetings till now. now, I'm going to bed.

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